Growing Up

Last night I was reading a book to my children before bed and M reached over to touch the page. I was struck by how small his little hand is...I watched him sleeping and was mesmerized by how small he is...I realized that my two little ones have so much energy during their awake hours I feel like I am dealing with two huge people, bigger than me. They're still so little.

My oldest is 19. She is my size. Physically, she is done growing up...This past weekend, I watched my oldest deal with her first loss of a sweet funny friend. It opened purposefully forgotten wounds. I was 22 before I lost any friends, one a suicide and one killed by a drunk driver. It is a horrible ordeal to go through and it is awful to have to watch your child learn to deal with grief, grief that goes down to the marrow. It is horrible to be my age and watch a young person die under such tragic circumstances, so much potential...vanished. Unexpected death of a someone never gets easier, perhaps it just gets harder. You feel for everyone who was impacted by the tragedy. There are no words to share. Words are just empty at this point. I can only sympathize with my daughter and feel the pain of her growing up.