Thursday, February 18, 2010


There are little things in life that I hate to do, nothing big but I just hate doing going to the Department of Motor Vehicles. The first time I went to the DMV, I was so excited because it meant I was about to become a licensed driver...but very many years later and many bad experiences with red tape in various different states has left a bad taste in my mouth.

Way back in the days of being a newlywed, my husband and I moved to Ohio. I had to get a new license...the first glitch came when I tried to find the Department of Motor Vehicles. I thought it would be easily found in the phone book, normally that would be true but it never occurred to me that different states call this piece of bureaucracy by different names...for instance, after pounding my blonde head against the phone book for what seemed like forever, I discovered in Ohio, it is called the BUREAU of Motor Vehicles...hence, it is not listed in the "D" section of the phone book but the "B" section of the phone book. I finally arrived at the correct place in Ohio for getting a license, and got home to realize my social security number was incorrect. I called the Bureau and was told I could correct it. I went back to pick up my license because they didn't mail them and was promptly scolded for defacing an official government license. It was a very humiliating moment. Sometime, I will write about what happened when I went to the grocery store after the Bureau of Motor Vehicles but I will skip that part of the story and just write that by the time I returned to my little apartment. I was in full blown mascara running tears.

I returned to California and turned in my New Mexico license and was pleased to recive my old California driver's license number just with a horrible picture of your's truly with a very big cold sore...this license was renewed for 10 years before my next scalding encounter with a motor vehicle department. This encounter took place in Virgnia...Some of you may know that the terrorists from 9/11 had Virginia a reaction to this...Virginia in my opinion made it impossible for a housewife to get a license. I think the tears from this day made the Ohio incident look like a walk in the park. I arrived at the window after Bibly Study feeling all serene and filled with God's love and left with a blotched mascara covered face. I cry when I am angry and it is something I have never learned to master. So, in Virginia, I could not get a driver's license because I could not produce a utility bill with my name on it. The utilities were in my husband's name since he set up the accounts and he had the military paycheck going in his favor which helped you skip the deposit with the utility company. I could produce a mortgage, car registration, my birth certificate, my marriage license, my social security card and my California driver's license but I could NOT obtain a Virginia driver's license. I went home to find some sort of a bill from a city/county of something from Virginia. The best I could come up with was my Social Security statment letting me what I could expect to collect if it is still around when I am 68. The first woman at the window gave me a great big "No." Fortunately, the woman at the next window over heard my despair and pointed out the updated list of acceptable documents and the Social Security statement had just been added two weeks prior to my visit. I now had a driver's license and a very blotched swollen face. (by the way, when we moved here, I made sure all the utility bills were set up in both of our names, however, the bill comes in my name only...that is another story...suffice it to say, my husband may be in trouble if this state ever decides it needs a utility bill for a driver's license)

Then, we moved here...getting a license here required a 2 1/2 hour wait AFTER I signed in.

And now for the husband sprang on me this morning that I would have to go register our new/used car...this wiped out my plans of a really wonderful workout to de-stress and get back in shape after fighting bronchitis since September. I don't like last minute changes, especially if it involves a trip to the Department of Motor Vehicles or whatever they call it in this state.

I did the only thing I could think of to make this an enjoyable trip, I put in Van Morrison's Poetic Champions CD and headed west towards my destination. I could just feel my blood pressure drop while enjoying the saxophone on the very first song. It was so relaxing. The sun was bright after all the rain and snow flurries this was a treat, a yellow cropduster was busy doing its thing over a field, I made the right turn and headed towards the courthouse and saw all the antebellum houses in the Downtown area, parked and admired the old train depot, to my delight, a train whistle blew and all seemed right with the world.

I felt all Spring-like in my orange cardigan sweater and figured, heck I will get my driver's license fixed while I am here and I won't have to explain to anymore salesclerks why my check doesn't match my license. I serenely went to the line and to my delight, there was no line and I heard a beautiful feminine voice ask if she could help me...I was in such a happy place. It wasn't ten seconds and my serenity had exited stage left. Apparently, Pete, my husband's new bestfriend the used car salesman did not include the application for license and I could NOT register the car...I drove all that way and now I was going to have to drive east 20 miles to get the application and come back. So much for serenity...

Tomorrow, I will be driving west and trying this all over again, on the bright side, I did get the address corrected on my license, paid 18.50, the picture was decent, I no longer look I am either a) having my mugshot taken or b) like I am in serious need of a conjugal visit because I have been in prison for 20 years. On the down side, I have to go back in June and do the license thing all over again, because that was the original expiration date and it HAS to be done then, not now. How much do you want to bet that picture looks like the one I replaced today?

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Today's Laugh

My chocoholic son got into the Andes mints, in order to justify chocolate in the morning, he likes to share. He offered one to his older sister who exclaimed "I don't want one!!!" His response? "It will help you wrestle better!" He cracks me up.