Last night, after watching the mini-series of North and South, and admiring Richard Armitage's eyes as he looks with love at Margaret, I wished someone would love me like that. I have done the same with Mr. Darcy, is there love in the world like that for me.
Sometime during the night, I realized I do have that love I desired. God loves me the way Mr. Thornton loves Margaret. I began thinking of my favorite scenes and I could see how they each applied to God's love for me.
My favorite scene, naturally, is the end at the Railway Station (not the ending of the book but we will get to that later), when Mr. Thornton sees Margaret, his look of pure love for her melts my heart...and that is how God looks at me. He looks at me as if I am the only person in the world. His softness towards Margaret melts my heart, the gentle assuring holding of her hand is how God sustains me.
The proposal scene in the mini-series is choppy due to bad editing...I will have to speak to the editors about this...but I will fill in the blanks here. Margaret enters the room, Mr. Thornton (nervous0 speaks of the color of the fruit. He is informed the fruit is for her sick mother. Mr. Thornton shares his love and passion when he proposes to Margaret and she rejects him as I have rejected God so many times when he has shared His love for me. Despite the rejection by Margaret, he begins to send the best, absolute best fruit to her mother, as God continues to care for those around me regardless of how I have treated him.
Margaret's brother comes during the mother's illness and he is wanted by the law for mutiny. His visit has to be absolute secret. Another railway scene Margaret embraces and kisses her brother goodbye, but is seen by Mr. Thornton. Margaret lies to the police to protect her brother. Mr. Thornton knows she lies and is unaware who she was embracing. He saw the impropriety of her being with a stranger, alone at night, and when called upon to impose the law as magistrate, he covers her sin as Jesus covers my sin, without question, without confrontation, out of love for her father, not for anything she has done...she didn't earn his protection and he had no expectation of receiving love for it, he covers it as it never happened.
Scene after scene has Margaret making accusations against Mr. Thornton out of limited knowledge just as I have made against God when things don't happen the way I think they should happen. In their first encounter Mr. Thornton disciplines a mill worker for smoking in the mill. Margaret sees this and judges Mr. Thonton. Mr. Thornton had seen what a fire could do to a mill, just the previous Spring, he had seen 300 corpses laid out on a hill, many of them children, because of an accidental fire. In another scene, she accuses Mr. Thornton of his fortune and good luck, unaware of his father's suicide from speculation and how Mr. Thornton was taken out of school to toil working to pay off his father's debt and begin running a mill. I cannot count the times I have judged God in situations where I do not know all the circumstances. I have done this to people, people have done this to me. And still, Mr. Thornton loves Margaret after all her rebukes.
As Margaret sees Mr. Thornton's behavior and hears from others of his integrity, her heart softens and she sees him as the kind man of honor that he is. I feel this is the same for me and God. God has been so kind to me when I have been petulant and impulsive. He continues to love me unwaveringly. His love for me is steadfast.
I am so thankful for this revelation that I am loved. I no longer have to plot how to bump into Richard Armitage, inspire him to love me with my witty conversation, despite my being 10 years older and his being in a man to man relationship. I already have this love from God, this gentle kind love. I only need to open my hands and receive it.
God may not have been my first love, but He loves me like I am His first love...and He is my only love.
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