My Children In 2004

 I was looking for Christmas decorations and found some papers at the bottom of the box. Back in 2004, I somehow found time to write down my children's personalities. It was a bittersweet moment to read now that they are all grown up and the nest is very empty. I want to preserve these thoughts lest the papers go astray once again. I wish I had written more. 

Hannah There are all sorts of cute things you do during the day to write about but now it is the end of the day and I have a few things to write down on paper.

You love your boots...Rain boots, snow boots, red cowboy boots, it doesn't matter...you love your boots.

You wear your boots so much you got athlete's foot last Spring. We had to spray your feet every morning and evening.

You love your brother but you have a few jealous moments. The other day you wanted me to get him off my lap and put him in his playpen. You kept patting the playpen and saying, "Pen. Pen." When I didn't put him in, you clapped your hands and stretched out your ams to take him. I think you were going to put him in the playpen yourself. (Looking back now, I should have called you, "Miss Bossy Boots.")

You love to help around the house. Sometimes too much...

You love baths and showers. If you hear the word shower or bath, you start stripping. You will jump in with whoever is bathing in addition to your own bath. 

You used to hate showers. You used to scream if we put you in the shower. Now that our new house has clear doors, I am not sure why you didn't like the enclosed space created by shower curtains. 

You hate heavy rain and car washes. Daddy and I went to the car wash and as we drove through the car wash, you started screaming. We had to use car washes where you get out and the car goes through without occupants in the vehicle. The car had a window so you could watch the car go through and you were quite delighted with this feature. I am not sure you will ever be able to sit in a car going through a car wash.

You have a very stubborn streak. When you getting trouble, you'll point your finger at whomever is chastising you and look ver sternly at them. Your dad used to yell your name and point his finger at you when you disobeyed and I am guessing that is where you learned this behavior. 

You are increasing your vocabulary every day and even forming sentences and questions. You used to say, "Tweet. Tweet" when you saw a bird. Now, you say, "Bird." Oh! and for a long time, everything was a duck. 

You are counting to ten and know about 1/2 your letters and most of the colors in the crayon box.

You love music, you love to dance, and you like to kick things with your feet. Your dad thinks you'll be a soccer player (you turned out a figure skater and hockey player which I guess uses both things you loved then, your feet and boots, although you were a phenomenal swimmer when you learned). 

You love to go outside (you even did this as a teenager, you would get a blanket and head to the porch with your phone and tea). 

You love your tennis shoes. Shoes mean you're going outside and that I think in your mind equates to freedom. 

When we drive by McDonalds's, you say, "Going to eat?" It's kind of slurred but we can make out what you're saying. 

You are very cute but you do wear us out. 

Lauren added this to my paper:

 You also have your entourage. All your stuffed animals go to bed. They also come downstairs when you wake. Unfortunately, I (Sissy) have to share my bed with you for awhile, so I barely have room to sleep. 

You always say, "Roo, help." You have your bear, dog, 4 beanie babies, Mom's 80s Garfield, bitty baby, blank, and Matthew's Clifford!

Matthew 

My First Love

I have fallen in love with two fictional characters. Mr. Darcy, of course, and Mr. Thornton from Elizabeth Gaskell's novel, North and South. Today, we are going to discuss my love for Mr. Thornton.

Last night, after watching the mini-series of North and South, and admiring Richard Armitage's eyes as he looks with love at Margaret, I wished someone would love me like that. I have done the same with Mr. Darcy, is there love in the world like that for me.

Sometime during the night, I realized I do have that love I desired. God loves me the way Mr. Thornton loves Margaret. I began thinking of my favorite scenes and I could see how they each applied to God's love for me. 

My favorite scene, naturally, is the end at the Railway Station (not the ending of the book but we will get to that later), when Mr. Thornton sees Margaret, his look of pure love for her melts my heart...and that is how God looks at me. He looks at me as if I am the only person in the world. His softness towards Margaret melts my heart, the gentle assuring holding of her hand is how God sustains me. 

The proposal scene in the mini-series is choppy due to bad editing...I will have to speak to the editors about this...but I will fill in the blanks here. Margaret enters the room, Mr. Thornton (nervous0 speaks of the color of the fruit. He is informed the fruit is for her sick mother. Mr. Thornton shares his love and passion when he proposes to Margaret and she rejects him as I have rejected God so many times when he has shared His love for me. Despite the rejection by Margaret, he begins to send the best, absolute best fruit to her mother, as God continues to care for those around me regardless of how I have treated him. 

Margaret's brother comes during the mother's illness and he is wanted by the law for mutiny. His visit has to be absolute secret. Another railway scene Margaret embraces and kisses her brother goodbye, but is seen by Mr. Thornton. Margaret lies to the police to protect her brother. Mr. Thornton knows she lies and is unaware who she was embracing. He saw the impropriety of her being with a stranger, alone at night, and when called upon to impose the law as magistrate, he covers her sin as Jesus covers my sin, without question, without confrontation, out of love for her father, not for anything she has done...she didn't earn his protection and he had no expectation of receiving love for it, he covers it as it never happened.

Scene after scene has Margaret making accusations against Mr. Thornton out of limited knowledge just as I have made against God when things don't happen the way I think they should happen. In their first encounter Mr. Thornton disciplines a mill worker for smoking in the mill. Margaret sees this and judges Mr. Thonton. Mr. Thornton had seen what a fire could do to a mill, just the previous Spring, he had seen 300 corpses laid out on a hill, many of them children, because of an accidental fire. In another scene, she accuses Mr. Thornton of his fortune and good luck, unaware of his father's suicide from speculation and how Mr. Thornton was taken out of school to toil working to pay off his father's debt and begin running a mill. I cannot count the times I have judged God in situations where I do not know all the circumstances. I have done this to people, people have done this to me. And still, Mr. Thornton loves Margaret after all her rebukes. 

As Margaret sees Mr. Thornton's behavior and hears from others of his integrity, her heart softens and she sees him as the kind man of honor that he is. I feel this is the same for me and God. God has been so kind to me when I have been petulant and impulsive. He continues to love me unwaveringly. His love for me is steadfast. 

I am so thankful for this revelation that I am loved. I no longer have to plot how to bump into Richard Armitage, inspire him to love me with my witty conversation, despite my being 10 years older and his being in a man to man relationship. I already have this love from God, this gentle kind love. I only need to open my hands and receive it. 

God may not have been my first love, but He loves me like I am His first love...and He is my only love. 

I'm back. Different. Older. Wiser.

 It has been awhile since I have blogged. Matthew went away to Prep School. Hannah to College. Lauren is a grown up with a grown up job. I am divorced. So, life is different. Very different.

Life is good. I enjoy every day. I am so incredibly blessed. Life is simple. I have wonderful friends. I am a tourist around the city. I have a wonderful church. What more could I want? 

Tonight is lovely. My feet are up, I have tea, a soft blanket, and Mr. Darcy is looking across the room at Miss Elizabeth Bennett. 

I am growing into the person I have always wanted to be. Lunch with friends, walks with friends, movie with friends, touring the City, time to read books, this is me. This is my life. Life is good.