Someone once told me my testimony reminded him of something CS Lewis said...Lewis described his journey coming to know Christ like going out on a motorcycle ride and coming back a Christian.
I find my story to be like CS Lewis'. I had a beginning and then a slow drawing nearer to God.
I was raised in a single parent home by a bipolar mother. My father was an alcoholic father. No one in my family went to church so God's name was a cursing word by the adults around me. I did not know of Jesus or of His love for me. I searched for feeling loved and being seen in all the wrong ways through my performance, other people, and unhealthy relationships. No one told me how God loved me in all of my sin and mess or what Jesus did for me at the cross so I could live with Him forever and know that love here, now.
As a child, I remember looking at the stars and wondering if God glued them in the sky every night. God was showing Himself to me and so my slow journey began.
In high school, I was one of those people who judged Christians as losers. I am sure God chuckled at that knowing what was in store for my life. I must admit my foolishness and their wisdom.
While in College studying the Renaissance and Reformation, I became curious and I began looking for God. At the same time, life got a bit rough around me. My boyfriend of 5 years was killed by a drunk driver and my father was diagnosed with cancer. I was lost but God kept dropping little kisses of His love and kindness around me. I began creeping towards God very slowly and at some point, I cannot say when exactly, God became the essence for my life and living. I continue to learn more about His lovingkindness every day, I see His creativeness and attention to detail everywhere in nature and in the faces of His children. He is beautiful.
Over the years I have had many bumps and bruises with many miscarriages, a divorce, and deaths of friends and family, I was constantly moving and starting over as a military spouse, but God never left my side. He relentlessly pursued me dropping His kisses of kindness around me. His presence sustained me through all the pain and loss.
I found starting my day in prayer, worship, and reading His Word gave me strength when I felt weak. The reassurance of His love for me found in His word has helped me through every had situation life has thrown at me. Each time I sit down and am quiet with God, He speaks exactly the words of encouragement I need. When lift my eyes up to Him, He shows me who He is, and all the panic and anxiety is replaced by the perfect peace He promises to those who honor Him,
God has kept me surrounded with Christian friends who are His hands and feet of love to me. He gives me joy and peace which transcends all understanding on the good days and the bad. Jesus promises this to all who follow Him.
My Heavenly Father gave me these words of promise during my divorce:
"Then justice will dwell in the wilderness;and righteousness will remain in the fruitful field.
17 The work of righteousness will be peace,
and the effect of righteousness, quietness and confidence forever.
18 My people will live in a peaceful habitation,
in safe dwellings, and in quiet resting places," (Isaiah 32:16-18)
No comments:
Post a Comment